tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19414574886708363802024-03-20T10:06:04.620-05:00Just Another Day in WileydiseWileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.comBlogger220125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-91443990438775214382017-06-07T07:13:00.000-05:002017-06-07T07:13:04.081-05:00A Diaphanous Overlay<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I cried today over Aurelia's short life for the first time in literal years. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I was very happy this morning. So happy that I sought out a <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/get-happy-feat-pharrell-justin-timberlake-zara-larsson/idpl.92a2dc47036a4692a91258df3c52b8af">happy playlist</a> on Apple Music and was rocking and drumming on the steering wheel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Then my mind drifted through some mechanism that I can't understand to something Chiron said the other day. I refer to Trajan as "beloved firstborn" reasonably often and so on occasion I call the others the same with their number. So Chiron is "beloved thirdborn." The other night he asked couldn't I just call him "beloved secondborn that didn't die." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I persuaded him that that was unnecessarily long and so we are sticking with thirdborn, but I just couldn't. Because he is my thirdborn. She was born at 08:15 CST to his 08:16 CST. And she was. She was not just some medical waste that was removed from my body to allow access to his fragile body, she was an entity. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">But I had another realization. While I did cry thinking about this this morning, they weren't tears of sadness exactly. They were more tears of truth if that makes any sense. And appreciating this opportunity that my brain decided to give me to remember her life and her existence. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">One last thought. I know that no one else really knew her as a distinct entity. She moved within me and I could tell her from Chiron. For everyone else she was either a part of my body or a corpse. But Chiron did know her. I saw enough ultrasounds of the two of them to know that they interacted. And thanks to science we know that she will continue to impact him for the rest of his life. He was subject to different hormones as a fetus because she was. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">This is actually one aspect of her life that I didn't think about until this morning. Epigenetics and environment mean that part of who Chiron is are because Aurelia was. She isn't just a figment of my imagination, she remains a gossamer filter shading my beloved thirdborn. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">A diaphanous overlay. ADO. Either fuss about something unimportant or adieu. Either way, I think the quality of my continued happiness the morning continues enhanced because she was. My beloved secondborn. </span></div>
Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-68476350944038412152013-12-28T19:12:00.001-06:002013-12-28T19:12:26.466-06:00"Everything's gonna be alright"Three years ago, four days before Chiron was born, I blogged about how my iPhone was <a target="_blank" href="http://wileydise.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-iphone-is-sentient.html?m=1">sentient</a>. <br /><br />While <a target="_blank" href="http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lifehouse/broken.html">Broken</a> will always be associated with that time, that pregnancy and Chiron and Aurelia, it is not "his song". All of my kids have a song that I associate with their infancy/late pregnancy. Chiron's is <a target="_blank" href="http://lyrics.wikia.com/Shawn_Mullins:Lullaby">Lullaby</a> by Shawn Mullins. <br /><br />We are in Dallas for the holidays and the rental has actual iPod integration rather than just aux in, so I was playing them music from my phone. We had earlier discussed the girls songs, so when I heard the first chords of lullaby, I told them all that this was Chiron's song. I couldn't believe how completely I was taken back, and to two separate times:<br />1. Lying in the hospital between Aurelia's death and their birth<br />2. Standing beside him in the nicu. <br />The commonality between these was a desperate desire/conviction that everything would be alright when I had no way of knowing if it really would be. But I just had to believe. <br /><br />I actually had tears falling down my face as I heard the repetition of "everything's gonna be alright... Rockabye."<br /><br />It's something we all need to hear at times: "everything's gonna be alright... Rockabye."<br /><br /><br /><center><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/111610593260200675853/BlogpressPictures#5962615239354560802'><img src='https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ycnvS6m6GqE/Ur92-AoPMSI/AAAAAAAAGOo/HYPxLWjubOU/s288/6.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-14492504860622804462013-11-11T08:51:00.002-06:002013-11-11T08:51:26.501-06:00Veteran's Day - Life and Death<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Who am I kidding, while I’ve talked about other things and claimed this
to be a general blog, this has always been more about Aurelia than anything
else. And specifically about me and my dealing with her life and death. And thus I'm here, not trying to fill in a missing year, or even reflect on any greater aspect of life, but just to reflect on where I am in my relationship with her and her life and death.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At first when I reflected on her, I really only saw the death. And I
was angry. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I still see the death at times, and don’t get me wrong, I’m still
angry, I expect I will always be, but I realized this morning that I’m seeing
her life now more often than I’m seeing her death. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m seeing that she impacted people. From her name to her loss, she has
changed the course of the world. Not in the great ways that we write epics
about or that fill our history books, but in the simple ways that flow into the
exquisite banalities of everyday life. From extra hugs given to children, to
moment of frustration able to be delayed just a couple minutes more, she has
impacted people. And the gift of her milk benefited babies whom I will never
know, but whose lives may have been saved from NEC through the donation of “her
milk”. The gift of my being able to connect to another mother experiencing this
all too frequent happening. Trajan will never take the birth of a child as a
certainty, and while I mourned for this a bit when I realized it, this also is
a gift from Aurelia’s existence. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I received a number of texts and messages this morning from people who
remembered that today is her day and hers alone. The day of their birth will
always be both of theirs as the day of his NICU discharge will always be his.
And for some reason one touched me differently and I realized that I had tears
in my eyes, but they were not of sorrow, they were of joy. Joy that we are not
the only ones who remember her. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The greatest gift I can be offered in Aurelia’s honor is not forgetting
her.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I think part of seeing her life more means that when I woke up today,
while I was acutely aware of the day as I have been in the past, my desire was
to do something positive and celebrate her existence rather than just reflect
on my hating Veteran’s Day. And I did. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I reached out to an acquaintance who experienced the stillbirth of a
twin a year or so ago, to pass on the importance of not feeling unique, alone,
and isolated in the experience. I sent a flower arrangement to my amazing OB
who has spent over a continuous week with me in the last three years, and who
has given of herself as not just a doctor, but as a person and as a friend with
just a simple note of thanks. Not because it was needed, as I’m pretty sure she
knows my appreciation of her, but just as a simple thing to make me smile in
remembering Aurelia and the first person who ever touched her and did so with
not just care in her movements, but true depth of emotion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Aurelia Diane, you were named for the strongest woman from ancient
history that I could think of (that Paul would agree to, he vetoed Hatshepsut,
for which we should all be thankful) who impacted the course of history. While
your ripples in the universe will not be known by name millennia from now, they
are no less significant. You matter, my first baby girl. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Aurelia Diane, you have two sisters who both bear a first name beginning
with an A in your memory and a powerful middle name we bestowed upon them in your honor. You
have an oldest brother who remembers you always and has been the force in this
universe who has most unabashedly kept your memory alive. And you have a twin
who does not know you now, but will know you, and know the gift of time that
you gave him. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Aurelia Diane, I promise to try to see your life more instead of your
death. I promise to try to continue living the lessons you taught me and to
continue to share them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Aurelia Diane, I’m not sure I ever actually told you this in words, but
I love you. <o:p></o:p></div>
Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-38299957909780190412013-07-16T09:20:00.001-05:002013-07-16T09:20:26.856-05:00Still Alive!We are still alive, but much has changed! We actually moved to Northern Virginia at the very end of February to allow me to take a job in the DC area. And with the move, we moved to having a nanny instead of sending the little three to daycare and she runs our whole household, so we are all happier and more productive! Let's see, Chiron is 2.5, the girls just turned one, and in August, Trajan will be six.<br />
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The reason for actually thinking to blog today was the Washington Post gave me an option to reference a picture in a blog and that seemed like fun! Apparently when we go to a water park it is newsworthy!<br />
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<a href="http://thewashingtonpost.newspaperdirect.com/epaper/showlink.aspx?bookmarkid=TTHZFQ1R8175&linkid=c3abbe10-ff01-46fd-83ad-281f5bb9b2dc&pdaffid=Ngvbyt7kjov3TkAUZUIeDw%3d%3d"><span><strong>The Washington Post</strong></span></a><br />
<span><em>Jul 16 2013</em></span><br />
<a href="http://thewashingtonpost.newspaperdirect.com/epaper/showlink.aspx?bookmarkid=TTHZFQ1R8175&linkid=c3abbe10-ff01-46fd-83ad-281f5bb9b2dc&pdaffid=Ngvbyt7kjov3TkAUZUIeDw%3d%3d"><img src="http://cache2-thumb1.pressdisplay.com/pressdisplay/docserver/getimage.aspx?file=10472013071600000000001001&page=16&scale=26" style="float: left; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px;" /><img src="http://cache2-thumb1.pressdisplay.com/pressdisplay/docserver/getimage.aspx?file=10472013071600000000001001&page=17&scale=26" style="float: left; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px;" /></a><br />
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Other thought is I'm a year behind in my blog reading and I'm vaguely aware that apparently google reader doesn't exist anymore?!?!Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-69209182425873807452012-11-08T21:48:00.001-06:002012-11-08T21:48:56.277-06:00Veteran's DayI doubt I'll ever be good at Veterans Day. It really kind of ticks me off irrationally that I intentionally avoided noting the exact days until it registered that Veterans Day is the same date each year. <br /><br />I know it's bad and wrong to dislike Veterans Day, but I do.<br /><br />Going to Trajan's Veterans Day assembly tomorrow though because I go each Friday. And it's important that I go each Friday. I will likely bring Chiron along in the ergo. How can it be that just two years ago I was 24 weeks pregnant with both him and Aurelia moving and grooving? <br /><br />I have said it before, but I wouldn't undo her existence. I think it has made me a better person. But if you gave me the power to make an impossible wish, as Trajan dubbed it, come true? Yes, I would rather she had lived and we had known her alive and outside my body. <br /><br />It's a bit more complicated process as I feel confident we wouldn't have Aletheia and Ari if Aurelia had lived as I wouldn't have stopped breastfeeding entirely when Chiron was moved to prescription formula, but my approach is the compartmentalization of each question. I want them all. Greedy soul. <br /><br />So, I'm sorry I still have thus Veterans Day hangup. I'm really quite good over all and I'm betting the veterans will forgive me this quirk. <br /><br />And have I mentioned, sometimes I'm completely floored by how completely and with my whole being I love these kids. I'm not sure I thought I'd be the best parent or whatever in advance, but I really think I've found one of my strengths and a great ability within myself as their mom. Like their firstborn sister, they've all made me a better person. <br /><br />And the random ramble ends. <br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-35253594090102808592012-10-31T12:42:00.000-05:002012-10-31T12:42:17.889-05:00Happy Halloween!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0rR3j4n0eJQ/UJFe28ilJpI/AAAAAAAAGB8/qOeHiKhC27k/s1600/autocorrectiphone+pull+10312012+101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0rR3j4n0eJQ/UJFe28ilJpI/AAAAAAAAGB8/qOeHiKhC27k/s640/autocorrectiphone+pull+10312012+101.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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Who needs substance when you have three little pigs and a big bad wolf?</div>
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It's proof that I thought the whole costume idea was awesome that I'm putting this picture of myself on the internet ;-). </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vPJcXKHtuwU/UJFfW4HoHlI/AAAAAAAAGCM/NhA0PtZam58/s1600/iphone+pull+10312012+118.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vPJcXKHtuwU/UJFfW4HoHlI/AAAAAAAAGCM/NhA0PtZam58/s640/iphone+pull+10312012+118.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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The first two were from a halloween costume we all went to. This second one is from the day care Halloween party. I'm partying despite mastitis as they are that much fun!</div>
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Cannibal pig!</div>
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That's it for today. But I am going to write a followup to the transportation posts I wrote before the girls were born soon, because the solutions are grand!</div>
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And a couple random pictures:</div>
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Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-24981655057025237832012-10-09T13:05:00.003-05:002012-10-09T13:10:12.371-05:00We are still alive!I've been busy and mainly using phone as computer outside of the office, so I really haven't updated. A couple of you who are commenters/readers have found me on Facebook or emailed me (see right bar) and had me find you on Facebook and that is actually probably the best bet for right now since I don't know when I'll get back to updating in a timely fashion...<br />
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I'm sure there are lots of cute pictures and interesting anecdotes in the last three months, but it seems likey I'll never really update them.<br />
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Brief updates:<br />
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Trajan started kindergarten at the end of August at our local neighorhood school. He has a great teacher that it turned out we already know as her son was in Chiron's infant class. He's had some behavioral issues and adjustments, but is doing really well academically. He has been the most amazing brother that I can conceive of. The devotion and love he shows his siblings is absolutely amazing. It is definitely worth getting myself to take the time to come here and write a real post to document some of it so that I never forget how he has been with all of them. <br />
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Poppins quit, by text, when the girls were a couple weeks old for reasons relating to her being pregnant, Medicare, WIC and other factors that aren't worth my time to bring up. We were trying to find a quick nanny from an agency, but my mother volunteered to stay with the girls for August and September rather than have us leave newborns with someone that we wouldn't have the time to really vet. That was great and really awesome for them. Chiron started back at the daycare he was at before on August 1 and the girls joined him at the start of October. Seems to be going pretty well.<br />
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Chiron is really blossoming into himself and starting to communicate with more words in the last few months. His brother is still his favorite person in the world and it is really cool watching Chiron imitate Trajan (well, at least in most things). Yesterday, I was running late and so I had Paul go pick up Trajan and I just went and got the littles. Normally I pick up Trajan first and he helps me pick them up including rocking and kissing each sister as we put our shoes back on in the front room. Chiron did this yesterday, I guess becuase Trajan wasn't there! <br />
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The girls are doing well. At the beginning of September, we got Ari in for a swallow study after the gastroenterologist agreed with me that something wasn't right about how she swallows and we found that she was aspirating with each swallow. So she is on thickened expressed milk and should be in speech therapy, but getting all the ducks in a row with the hospital has been insane. The GI nurse says that I should hear with her first appointment by Thursday at the latest, but since we have been working at this for a month, I'll believe it when I hear it. Allie is following in the boys fine footsteps with extremely severe reflux, but so far no indicators of either milk soy protein intolerance or congenital lactase deficiency. <br />
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I was talking to a friend earlier today and realized how much has happened in such a short period of time. Two years ago today, I was almost 20 weeks pregnant with Chiron and Aurelia with no idea of any problems on the horizon. Since then, either Chiron or I has been in the hospital for six months and three children have been added to our family. <br />
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I still think of Aurelia often. She is real to me even though she isn't to the rest of the world. I held her in my arms, she was formed and perfect and complete. She may have never breathed a breath, but she still was to me. I don't know if it should matter when she died, but it does for some reason in my head. She was very potentially viable had she been born instead of died on November 11, 2011.<br />
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That said, I think I've come much more to terms with her life and death. I can mention her without sounding as awkward and don't avoid her when her inclusion makes an answer stronger or better. I have had some odd thoughts relating to her and the girls. They look so much alike that it leaves my wondering more of how she would have looked. You may have noticed that all of their names start with an A. Aletheia was actually the second name we had identified before we knew Chiron and Aurelia's genders and after a lot of discussion and research, I came back to it this time. At that point Paul suggested that we make both of their names start with an A. So all three girls are A's, and I like this. I still mourn not getting to use and hear Aurelia's name though independently of mourning her, as odd as that may sound. <br />
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I've come to the conclusion that you should never make a comment on someone's gravid status, their children's spacing or their genders. Because I can not count the number of times someone has volunteered that our family is perfect since we have two boys and two girls.<br />
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Paul is doing well. He's always been good, but having the two littles has really resulted in him stepping up to amazing. He gets the girls down each night while I put the boys down and actually takes and drops off all three littles at daycare on his own. And he keeps us all fed in addition to all the normal household tasks of laundry, dishes and cleaning. I've been overwhelmed a couple times by the situation in which I find myself that is my life, but he's plugged through like a pro this whole time. I'm lucky and blessed and should probably remember to tell him that more often. And to find the time to just sit and listen and talk instead of feeling like I always need to be running and doing.<br />
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Thank you all for caring about me and my whole family. Here's a couple random shots:<br />
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Very random assortment, but I figure I'm unlikely to ever go fill in unless I get smart and use my Facebook to provide structure, so here's for now!<br />
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Oh, and I figure since so much of my life is filled with breastmilk that I should add something here. Ari went up to the NICU for apnea which was probably related to her swallowing disorder, so she had a slower start to breast feeding, but I had both of them feeding pretty well as long as I tandemed at the time Ari was moved to the thickened milk. Now all of her milk has to be expressed so it can be thickened. And these girls drink a ton. I was having to thaw some for a bit a couple weeks ago, but I think I'm back to keeping up with them. Since Allie direct feeds in the evenings and nights, it's hard to know exactly how much they are going through, but it is dang close to two liters a day if it's not over. Part of my stress came because I gave away the vast majority of our freezer stash early on because until Ari stopped direct feeding I was staying well ahead of them. But things are looking alright now. Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-65867993403380281592012-07-12T23:28:00.001-05:002012-10-09T13:11:07.701-05:00Aletheia Wren and Ariadne MiaAletheia Wren and Ariadne Mia made their appearance a week early tonight at 18:51 and 18:53. Addie is getting released to us now about 4.5 hours later, but Allie looks like she is headed up for a little more monitoring due to breathing being hard!<br />
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Both are doing great though (I just have failed and mainly kept Facebook updated) <br />
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhoneWileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-17663831954910759902012-06-26T17:21:00.000-05:002012-06-26T17:21:19.044-05:00Still TruckingYesterday, we were actually on the verge of discharge. Not as a vague hypothetical, but scheduled in a few hours after the completion of the normal testing for the day. Part of that normal testing was an NST (nonstress test) which Lefty has been looking good on for about three weeks and Righty overall for a week. You guessed it, BOTH had late decels (3 or 4) and then they BOTH had a thirty-plus minute episode of tachycardia. One of the decels was interesting because they did it at the same time, but from different baselines, so perhaps they are already working on their synchronized swimming?<br />
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This was bad enough to get our discharge yesterday cancelled, but not bad enough to deliver right then (yeah!).<br />
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This morning the on-call OB came and actually made a plan clear. Part 1 of the plan is we will stay inpatient. Had we actually been discharged, they were going to have me come into the office Monday through Friday and up to L&D on Saturdays and Sundays, but the theory is it's easier to stay here than to have to get sent back, so might as well stay in. It also facilitates them delivering unscheduled.<br />
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That leads us to Part 2. There is a scheduled c-section at 37&1 (July 19) and they would prefer that date, but apparently the tolerance for decels will drop with each passing day and they will play it by ear, but very well may decide to section them ahead of that date based on a strip. She apparently was very close to delivering them yesterday and let them know that she would have if they had been 34 weeks (they were 33&5), so the girls are definitely on notice.<br />
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My OB is back on Monday, July 2. I think that's all the dates.<br />
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They had a growth scan today which also confirmed that my sensations are correct and instead of breech/breech, they are transverse/transverse. So Lefty is now more bottomy and Righty is now more toppy, but I'm sticking with Lefty and Righty. Lefty continues to be more petite than her sister, weighing in at 2077 grams (4lb, 9oz) while Righty is a hefty 2420 grams (5lb, 5oz). These are obviously ultrasound weights and have a large range of error, but it is safe to draw from these that they are good-sized! 4497 grams total!<br />
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While 34 is obviously great and awesome, more is better and I'm starting to get greedy and want more and more gestational time. I was playing with a prematurity risk calculator on perinatology.com and getting from 34 to 37 decreases the risk of respiratory distress syndrome from almost 20% to 3.5%! And the risk of NEC drops from 1.57% to 0% and the sepsis risk from 4.69% to 0%. The risk of grade III and IV IVHs already drops to 0% at 34 weeks, so I really feel comfortable and happy with any gestational age from here forward, but would LOVE them to make the July 19 date.<br />
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However, these girls will likely be leaving the hospital in diapers and the long-sleeve hospital white shirts if they do make it that long because the clothes are all organized and sorted in the garage rather than in the house or packed to bring to them or anything ;-). <br />
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Last thought is that it is really quite odd that I'm here on some level. I feel great and am really symptomless. If they'd let me, I'm still completely capable of walking, maneuvering and generally am still very mobile, flexible and all of that. I sleep fine, I'm not in pain, I'm not grumpy, I'm not swollen. I've got friends who are more like 20 weeks with singletons who seem much more uncomfortable and are having to waddle and dealing with pain and sleep issues and all that. So, excepting the whole being stuck in the hospital, I'm in great shape! We will see how well I handle going from two to three months of total bedrest to keeping up with four kids with an abdominal incision healing though...Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-64405189719266254432012-06-22T09:16:00.000-05:002012-06-22T09:16:27.396-05:00Passive Superstition Be GoneI think I have not been posting through a mix of passive superstition, by not typing things it is totally logical that I'm not tempting fate (right?), and honestly just not wanting to process some thoughts. Neither of these was a conscious move, just kind of happened. But I got forced to a few thoughts, including realizing that I wasn't writing anything for silly/nonexistent reasons, so here I am.<br />
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First thought: at some point in the last week or so, my expectation has changed from this could result in 0, 1 or 2 babies to there will be 2. Yesterday morning, my OB was as usual sitting in the rocking chair beside my bed chatting and writing up my chart and when she finished she asked if I had anything else. And then said that she thought there was something else and that I sometimes get a look where she knows I'm thinking something, but she just doesn't know what it was. I felt oddly stressed, but couldn't identify what it was. In thinking after, I think it really was just that I'd made the transition to expecting 2, and thus exposing myself.<br />
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That's my big thought. Figure I should give a status update and summary now since I have been so non-communicative. However, just like with Chiron/Aurelia, I've actually done a good job through Facebook and it's hard to keep straight what I've said where, so figure I'll just go general here.<br />
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Two new things were declared by the OBs this week: next baby who pulls a hijink is getting born at that time and bring her sister with her and we are staying through delivery. Why, you ask? Well, Monday when we actually were at the point of considering discharge in the next couple days, Righty aka baby A, started having late decels followed by tachycardia on our normal morning strip. Initially responded with trying positional changes while a nurse got the oxygen setup in place. Then she called the OB and had her look at the strip just to be sure she knew what was going on and the OB told the nurse that we were going to c-section them and to start an IV, get labs drawn and get me moving towards L&D. Then in the thirty minutes all that was going on little miss behaved perfectly and so my OB backtracked and said we would do 24 hours of monitoring. No more incidents occurred after that, so was shipped back to stable antepartum, but it was declared that these two were out of chances.<br />
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Background: at 25 weeks, I had a cold and my body started contracting/dilating in response to there is stress on the system, lets do something to simplify. Stayed in-patient for ten days, things calmed down and was discharged to home bedrest at 26&2. Then at 28&5 I was at the perinatologist for normal BPP and Lefty, aka baby B, was having variable decelerations and some moderate bradycardia on her NST. He wasn't worried, but wanted to make sure that it stopped rather than continued and since it was 5 pm, sent me over to L&D for two hours of monitoring. Instead of discharge after two hours, I instead got another 2 rounds of steroid shots and was admitted. She continued having some of these events until the morning of 30&5 when there was some insane fetal motion and I again started having contractions. Had dilated more and so went over to L&D. By middle of the day, I was having beautiful, rhythmic contractions of mountains and values every 2.5 minutes and it looked like we were heading towards birth. Then it just petered out. Stayed in monitoring in L&D another day and a half and then back to stable antepartum. Good news of that event was the huge motion was Lefty moving from transverse to breech and as a result seemed to have gotten her leg or whatever out of the cord loop and we haven't seen variables at all, much less bradycardia from her since. Then on Monday, at 32&5 we had the late decels event with Righty. <br />
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So, now I'm back to hanging out in stable antepartum. Looking pretty stable and while I have a couple rounds of regularish contractions a day, nothing significant. Both babies are behaving on their strips and so we continue on. The delivery date barring someone misbehaving ahead of then is July 19 at 37&1. My OB, who you <a href="http://wileydise.blogspot.com/2010/12/plan.html">may remember</a> is really amazing, competent and just a good human, just left my room and is heading out on vacation and will be out of town until July 2. Of course, there will be other OBs on call and I know them all, but I am spoiled and really prefer MY OB, so think behaving thoughts through at least July 2. That would also get us to 34&5, which I would count as pretty awesome.<br />
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That's my ramble and now some random pictures because captions are fun.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5bogXCGwx9g/T-R4geulbeI/AAAAAAAAF6Q/VB-7LGsTbiQ/s1600/IMG_3558.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5bogXCGwx9g/T-R4geulbeI/AAAAAAAAF6Q/VB-7LGsTbiQ/s400/IMG_3558.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chiron playing around with one of the new strollers while hanging out at Trajan's swim lesson.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GQqL7kuIVQk/T-R4hBjQtsI/AAAAAAAAF6Y/jimVrtNmDKU/s1600/IMG_3568.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GQqL7kuIVQk/T-R4hBjQtsI/AAAAAAAAF6Y/jimVrtNmDKU/s400/IMG_3568.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trajan is by the rail waiting at swim.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-srjp4CYiSNA/T-R4qClF20I/AAAAAAAAF6g/EotfnNF0rPA/s1600/IMG_3561.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-srjp4CYiSNA/T-R4qClF20I/AAAAAAAAF6g/EotfnNF0rPA/s400/IMG_3561.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amusing nurses with hijinks and jocularity make the world better.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wgg-bQoISPY/T-R4udVtNNI/AAAAAAAAF6o/XEdMV3eTnPM/s1600/IMG_3563.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wgg-bQoISPY/T-R4udVtNNI/AAAAAAAAF6o/XEdMV3eTnPM/s400/IMG_3563.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So do nurses drawing fun pictures.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q25um4EFEqg/T-R4yaKhv4I/AAAAAAAAF6w/YpkZkt1F_F8/s1600/IMG_3590.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q25um4EFEqg/T-R4yaKhv4I/AAAAAAAAF6w/YpkZkt1F_F8/s400/IMG_3590.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And awesome coworkers who bring amusing things as well as folding zombies out of paper!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pecHqoRnCBo/T-R4z4ZweLI/AAAAAAAAF64/r-1VpJEA-g0/s1600/IMG_3578.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pecHqoRnCBo/T-R4z4ZweLI/AAAAAAAAF64/r-1VpJEA-g0/s400/IMG_3578.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And grandparents who come into town and amuse boys and generally help.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-67kyC_ldn5s/T-R40xwOKpI/AAAAAAAAF7A/4LRJrAvm-cA/s1600/IMG_3588.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-67kyC_ldn5s/T-R40xwOKpI/AAAAAAAAF7A/4LRJrAvm-cA/s400/IMG_3588.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As well as hold little boys with colds when the pass out. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I1SEGqEPuqY/T-R44c2TbkI/AAAAAAAAF7I/XyKZj4qqPLo/s1600/IMG_3583.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I1SEGqEPuqY/T-R44c2TbkI/AAAAAAAAF7I/XyKZj4qqPLo/s400/IMG_3583.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Friends coming by, talking, bringing food, amusement and even making a five-foot tall kangaroo makes the world a lot better as well.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2lI5eJkT3Sc/T-R5AGq4OBI/AAAAAAAAF7Y/ugbSYlzsUbA/s1600/IMG_3593.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2lI5eJkT3Sc/T-R5AGq4OBI/AAAAAAAAF7Y/ugbSYlzsUbA/s400/IMG_3593.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So do wonderful friends who I've actually never met in person who amuse me every single day on multiple occasions and have sent more surprises, notes and thoughts than I ever would have imagined.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eSLRlg3F3r4/T-R5DqeBl1I/AAAAAAAAF7g/LgZn92QOWPg/s1600/IMG_3596.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eSLRlg3F3r4/T-R5DqeBl1I/AAAAAAAAF7g/LgZn92QOWPg/s400/IMG_3596.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even being challenged to a massive hamburger eating contest is pretty cool. And as a bonus, you see here the pictures that some amazing friends I work with thought to print and bring up (and some of the zombies!).</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7Swt_cmCb4c/T-R5IMGuwEI/AAAAAAAAF7o/V_XrnWNz_0I/s1600/IMG_3566.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7Swt_cmCb4c/T-R5IMGuwEI/AAAAAAAAF7o/V_XrnWNz_0I/s400/IMG_3566.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This little man loves wandering around the hospital on our 30-minute wheelchair privileges and is amazing us with all he's mastered.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NsNSwaNuAz8/T-R5LrH_v5I/AAAAAAAAF7w/3dPwoLeN0qA/s1600/IMG_3592.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NsNSwaNuAz8/T-R5LrH_v5I/AAAAAAAAF7w/3dPwoLeN0qA/s400/IMG_3592.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This little man prefers to be silly and luckily there are some great nurses who go along with it!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7aFU92c7UqA/T-R5ObmA2gI/AAAAAAAAF74/Uq2s-nAqNzw/s1600/IMG_3620.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7aFU92c7UqA/T-R5ObmA2gI/AAAAAAAAF74/Uq2s-nAqNzw/s400/IMG_3620.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These three are pretty awesome and photographic evidence that Trajan may come here to play iPad almost as much as to see me.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2EStycUz0V4/T-R5SzEcNdI/AAAAAAAAF8A/ouY1eF4Hb7o/s1600/IMG_3622.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2EStycUz0V4/T-R5SzEcNdI/AAAAAAAAF8A/ouY1eF4Hb7o/s400/IMG_3622.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy, loving boys</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cMp0kNoRHIU/T-R5XF7gL-I/AAAAAAAAF8I/VnyDHqRBw_0/s1600/IMG_3626.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cMp0kNoRHIU/T-R5XF7gL-I/AAAAAAAAF8I/VnyDHqRBw_0/s400/IMG_3626.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Everyone</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aDVswWsrCqE/T-R5abmDNjI/AAAAAAAAF8Q/CraaxJSFozE/s1600/IMG_3612.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aDVswWsrCqE/T-R5abmDNjI/AAAAAAAAF8Q/CraaxJSFozE/s400/IMG_3612.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't have an innie or an outie now, I have a flattie. Also, tell the kids at home not to pierce their belly button because even if it's only for two days due to some impulsivity and fun with roommates, it will stretch to impressive size as a scar. And my first two skin marks ever appear below on diagonals on each side. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-68080526879789842342012-06-12T15:36:00.004-05:002012-06-12T15:36:54.047-05:008 lb, 4.5 oz of babyAssuming accuracy of ultrasound weights (yes, I can hear you laughing from here), the girls now outweigh Trajan's birth weight collectively. I was not surprised by this as I also have a bit of stretch mark for the first time ever. Right now it's just two little red marks, but I bet that's just a start.<br />
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Righty, our presenting baby, came in at a petite 1719 grams (3lb, 12.6oz). Lefty is now our bruiser coming in at 2038 grams (4lb, 7.9oz), two kilos! So together they are 3757 grams (8lb, 4.5oz). Righty is at the 37th percentile while Lefty is at the 56th.<br />
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The margin of error at this age/size is about 300 grams for each of them, so their weights may not be as far apart as they look. It' a 15.7% size discordance and they apparently don't start to pay closer attention until 18-25%, so golden on that front as well. Today was 31 weeks, 6 days and those weights correspond with 31 weeks, 4 days and 32 weeks, 2 days, so the weight difference is only equivalent to 4 days growth of the fetus that is the perfect 50th percentile.<br />
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Both girls aced their BPPs as well which was reassuring as Lefty didn't get a reactive fetal strip in the appropriate amount of time this morning. She eventually did, but not within the time parameters for it to count as reactive. <br />
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Tomorrow is 32 weeks, so I think based on almost all measures, we have achieved big baby territory! Also, while their going breech-breech is a bit of a downer as it equals c-section for sure, one nice feature is being able to find each of their heads REALLY helps me to be able to discern what motion belongs to which baby which is reassuring and happy.<br />
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As requested, belly pictures demonstrating the collapse down into beer belly:<br />
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And yes, my stomach is very oddly veiny!<br />
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And a couple of the boys just because I like them:<br />
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<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-35953145623690738512012-06-11T17:27:00.000-05:002012-06-11T17:27:09.100-05:00I got nothing...I didn't mean to be dramatic by not posting, it's really just a question of I've really got nothing to say. And when I do say something, it seems to inappropriately tempt fate and I've developed an unhealthy superstitious attitude.<br />
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Still hanging out in patient. Was pretty much positive we were delivering within 24 hours last Monday. Dilated more, regular 2-3 minute contractions for hours and the like, but then it all stopped. OB, nurses, other OB and the like were all also convinced, so no clue what really happened, but I like it.<br />
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Good news is that the event that we think precipitated that preterm labor episode was the movement of Lefty from transverse to breech. And in the process, she seems to have fixed her cord issue. Free your leg and your heart will follow... We actually have not seen any of the recurrent variables or bradycardia episodes since that day and that has us at a week now. This is good news!<br />
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But with two cervix changing episodes to date and an irritable (the medicos for some reason don't agree with the term bitchy or even whiny) uterus that throws fits at such things as lying flat on back, too much fetal movement and not having a sufficiently empty bladder, they've still got me hanging here even with the improvement in the fetal strips. <br />
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We should have a growth ultrasound with their BPP tomorrow and I'll try to remember to be a good person and update with that. Because notoriously accurate ultrasound weights are fascinating, right? Does sarcasm convey in writing?<br />
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Other news is the movement on Lefty and then Righty deciding to get in the game and become breech as well (breech-breech for the win) has resulted in belly dropping from it's round ball appearance to looking like a true, sagging beer belly. Kinda fun. They are definitely bigger than I was when Trajan was induced at 38 weeks and this is pretty amazing to me.<br />
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Still getting a lot of work done for work here and I think that's crucial to my sanity. Seeing the boys and exercising half-hour wheelchair privileges with them to go on "adventures" is even more crucial to my sanity. An amazing and patient doctor plus some truly wonderful humans as nurses also can not be underappreciated.<br />
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So, life is going well. Not ideal, but good and we are blessed to be experiencing it.<br />
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Last thought: it's really starting to look like we may end up with four children. Four children living in our house. Four kids, really?!?Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-28858390200048867502012-05-23T11:31:00.000-05:002012-05-23T11:31:25.534-05:00Someone tell me to shut my trapApparently I did not learn a life lesson from this<a href="http://wileydise.blogspot.com/2010/12/39-days.html"> post.</a> Note that it was written on 12/21 and Chiron was born 12/23.<br />
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My putting into writing that she had had no more decels and just some slightly extended variances may have been a bad idea. I'm not really very superstitious by nature, but both L&D and the NICU kinda make me so.<br />
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So, can you guess what happened between the last post and now? More variances plus a couple decels. They were V's, not W's, which I'm reassured is very good and she recovered on her own each time and is still achieving accelerations and the like, but NOT what we are looking for. She got down to about 90 from 150 or 160 and then recovered back to 150 or 160 over a couple minute period on one of them and I didn't get the specific numbers on any others.<br />
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Her line does look crazy compared to her sister's. <br />
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Nothing has changed, just the clock to feel confident that her positioning has resolved itself and she is not at risk has reset. Nothing to be alarmed about. Nothing to overreact to, but seriously? Just STOP doing that, little miss lefty.<br />
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I am finding it much harder to actually work while monitoring, so I'm going to celebrate the positive side and declare this an opportunity to nearly guilt-free work on getting caught up on my blog reading! <br />
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Thank you all for keeping track of us and sharing your thoughts and jokes and experiences. Really does mean the world. <br />
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Oh, and Tanika, the uterus of bitching is totally behaving, so I think we may need to get a nickname for little miss attention magnet...Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-40277403862820798712012-05-23T09:56:00.001-05:002012-05-23T09:56:58.863-05:00In which I ruminate...I just turned off the alarm for the maternal heartbeat on my monitor. It's limits are set at 50 and 120 and I go up into the 120s pretty frequently, typically this is when talking to someone, and so it was a bit annoying. It's probably a bad sign that I'm more familiar with the machines around here than some of the nurses. I thought about changing the upper limit, but figured just turning it off would make for a simpler return to standard state, though I believe it does reset anytime it is unplugged as well.<br />
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Why I think this fact is worthy of sharing with you, I don't really know, but eh, I never claimed to make sense! And perhaps an even better question is why I think I need to share a picture of the monitor, but I do:<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BH4cVjPnYoI/T7zxfyMrOkI/AAAAAAAAFwQ/Z44gE_JEsek/s1600/photo-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BH4cVjPnYoI/T7zxfyMrOkI/AAAAAAAAFwQ/Z44gE_JEsek/s400/photo-3.jpg" width="298" /></a></div>
And in the style of live blogging, the whole story changes! The pulse ox cord apparently had some issues. I do like that none of us yesterday or last night thought to actually look at the clock and take my puse, we just accepted the 120s to 150s. My nurse today, who is a favorite and definitely one of the most competent, looked at me and declared that my pulse was not that high, took it by hand and changed out the part. <br />
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See, isn't my life fascinating?<br />
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I have decided that the L&D floor is a time distortion field. Came in for three hours, stayed for 10 days. Right now, I'm still here from my two hours of monitoring Monday night. There had been some talk about letting me go this morning, but while there haven't been any deceleration events (which are apparently measured in minutes), there were more variables and with greater drops than the current on-call OB (who is the doctor I had for four weeks while mine was on maternity leave last time) is comfortable with. She sounded like she wasn't concerned per se, but isn't feeling sufficiently comfortable with Lefty's strips yet. It's now a different on-call doctor, my OB doesn't work Tuesday or Wednesday as she has three small children of her own, but today's doctor said that the next one may discharge me after 6am tomorrow<br />
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I know I'd mentioned that I found the changes in the NICU in the last 17 months kind of fascinating when the neonatologist came down to talk, but I've also discovered another interesting change in the obstetrics side of things. Last time, they didn't repeat steroids. In the last few months, they've aparently had their thinking come around to be more like a decade ago and they do repeat if it's been around four weeks or so and they think there's a reasonable chance of delivery in the next week or so (this time they were thinking possible c-section for distress instead of PTL. read as NOT MY FAULT for once). So, I had two more doses of Betamethasone Sodium Phosphate with Betamethasone Acetate Monday night and last night. It's possible they will do one more round if I were to go into labor or we were removing the babies for distreen reasons between about 32 and 34 weeks.<br />
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By the way, random note, but these shots are much more pleasant in the bum than in the thigh. Four of my six doses ever have been thigh and I highly recommend taking this route.<br />
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I am on continuous monitoring until we are assured about Lefty's strips and I'm oddly proud of my ability to come and manage. Many people have a lot of trouble because you can't really get much continuous sleep as anytime a baby comes off the monitor, the nurses have to come in and put them back on. I am apparently very good at noticing them come in, confirming that they don't need me to reposition and then go back to sleep while they are moving straps and monitors and all of that. Having a real bed instead of the transformer delivery bed also makes a huge difference. When they were talking about running continuous monitoring, I in my own mind thought that I could probably only make it about 100 hours before I started to lose it, but I really don't think this is the case. I think I can stay on as long as necessary without too many issues.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cool rag doll look!</td></tr>
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Biggest problem is needing to keep the pulse ox on 24 hours a day as it makes it much harder to work on things for work or even play around on the computer/phone. However, one of the nurses said I could move it to my thumb and this makes the typing MUCH easier as I just use my right thumb exclusively fore the space bar and all is good. <br />__________________________________________________<br />
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In my last thought, girls are 29 weeks now. Officially non-micros no matter what happens now! Still voting for them to stay put, but we are really coming along in terms of intraventricular (IVH) and NEC risks now. AND, they are big enough to serve as a tray when I have to eat lying down to keep them on the monitor:<br />
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So, I think the summary version is that we are still here in the hospital, but all three of us seem to be doing pretty well. And no reason at this time to expect anything drastic to change.<br />
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Oh, and their last possible date is set, July 19. And since they did finally change from shoulder presentation presenting/transverse upper, to breech/transverse, looks like definitely going to be the c-section route.<br />
<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-63464243194421233192012-05-21T17:46:00.001-05:002012-05-21T18:04:29.342-05:00See this angelic face?<br /><br /><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/111610593260200675853/BlogpressPictures#5745121769846840274'><img src='https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-zSh-Fm9r8Sk/T7rFz4sVm9I/AAAAAAAAFvc/iYIbNOJXoFE/s288/6.jpg' border='0' width='421' height='314' style='margin:5px'></a><br />She was misbehaving on her NST, so we are over at L&D for some monitoring. She was having relative bradycardia events, dropping into upper 90s/lower 100s. Both girls got perfect 8s on their BPPs, but the perinatologist sent me over to L&D to monitor for a while longer to make sure that the bradycardia events stop. <br /><br />Strip is looking pretty good so far at L&D though, so hopefully just here for a couple hours. He said if the events didn't reoccur that they would let me go, but if they do reoccur, we are going to need continuous monitoring. <br /><br />He did some extra visualization and studying of her cord (that's Lefty) and it is actually positioned really well, so hopefully is just a fluky, benign thing. <br /><br />The perinatologist was also able to confirm that my feeling that fetal motion was different this morning is due to repositioning as I theorized. <br /><br />Being honest, I did get a little toward panic during the NST while the tech was noticing the bradycardias, but the perinatologist was very reassuring with his ultrasound examinations and doing this extra monitoring is really helping me to feel confident. <br /><br />So, think behaving thoughts their way and if so, I'll update you with fun baby tiedye tomorrow from the house instead of medical! <br /><br />And here's evidence of the girls conspiring: <br /><br /><br /><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/111610593260200675853/BlogpressPictures#5745121795520923922'><img src='https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-kKv8h2trN4c/T7rF1YVhCRI/AAAAAAAAFvk/VTrqMISCCPc/s288/8.jpg' border='0' width='381' height='284' style='margin:5px'></a><br /><br />UPDATE: well, they decided to do two more rounds of steroids since it's been four weeks and so here for 48 hours. But strips are looking good. <br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br /><br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-51624412492828871102012-05-15T11:39:00.001-05:002012-05-15T11:39:09.479-05:00Overachieving FetusesI'm not sure my brain is qualified to keep track of what I've updated here versus Facebook versus what I've told people. But it does look like we are due for an update here.<br />
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With the exception of one 12-hour stint in L&D Sunday night/Monday morning, I've been successfully serving my bedrest at home. That was the product of a flareup of the uterus of bitching. I started contracting Sunday afternoon every 6-7 minutes which increased to every 5-6 minutes after a couple hours. They were only about 40-45 seconds in duration, so it seemed very unlikely that they were causing cervical change, but since we are still pretty early gestationally and they were regular, they had me come in to get checked and run additional IV fluids on top of my water chugging.<br />
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Thought 1 from that 12-hour visit: I was dubbed level-headed and rational for the fact that I took myself. My logic was that I was pretty sure that I was not having cervix changing contractions, it was bed time and it's much easier to deal with one of your parents leaving at bed time than both and barring an immediate emergency c-section, even in the worst case scenario we should have at least 2.5 hours of warning, so Paul could get up to the hospital. The nurse said that most moms are too flipped out to think about what will be best for their existing children, so apparently I'm calm as a cucumber.<br />
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Thought 2 from that 12-hour visit: if you let them give you 5 of Ambien, you can actually get some sleep on the L&D side!<br />
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Thought 3 from that 12-hour visit: I think I've come to an understanding of my uterus of bitching. It basically responds to anything being off or stressful on my body as a system by contracting. The actual cervix changing ones from a couple weeks ago I really think were just because of the cold I had. It does seem like a rational response from the body: body under stress, want to reduce stress, evict occupants. The destabilizing factor this time is a bit more embarrassing. I think I had a little constipation going on and that was enough to make my uterus declare that this wasn't what it signed up for and it was going to make things simpler! So, I think the grand conclusion is that I just need to keep things easy on my body and the uterus of bitching will keep its trap shut aka not contracting.<br />
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Got discharged at 5:30 am, so was able to hit my normal Monday morning perinatology appointment. The preterm nurse was out of town, so I didn't have to see her and went straight to the perinatologist which was very nice! This was our first week of doing biophysical profiles. The peri was willing to accept my statement that both achieved 15 by 15 accels during monitoring the night before, so we skipped the NST and just did the ultrasound part of it. Both got 8 out of 8, but it took quite a while to get Lefty to show her breathing practice.<br />
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My favorite ultrasound picture of this appointment was Righty's hand and Lefty's feet together:<br />
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Also got a shot of someone's tongue:<br />
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And someone yawning:<br />
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Because of the time waiting to get Lefty to show off her breathing, we also get profiles and face-on views of both babies. And confirmed they are both still girls!<br />
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Also confirmed that I don't have the gestational diabetes! But my vitamin D and calcium levels are low despite the supplementation, so we are stepping them up even more by tripling my vitamin D. No changes are necessary to my calcium amounts because the theory is that getting the vitamin D levels up will increase my uptake of what I am taking. And I need to take a belly shot as requested, but here's one from last weekend for now:<br />
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And this picture of Chiron sitting on Trajan amuses me and so I am passing it on:<br />
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Oh yeah, why did I call them overachieving fetuses? Well, biophysical profiles don't normally start until 32 weeks and they both got perfect scores at this 28 week appointment and also achieved accelerations of 15 by 15 (meaning 15 beats for 15 seconds) which also isn't normally looked for until 32 weeks. So, they are overachieving fetuses. Good girls! <br />
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And in one last celebration, hitting 28 weeks will mean that they while they may still end up being preemies, they will not be micropreemies! And even if they were born in the next few days (not the plan), they should be able to skip the Giraffe incubator phase in the NICU. So again, go girls!<br />
<span id="goog_1866686420"></span><span id="goog_1866686421"></span>Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-21264654921756404692012-05-08T13:52:00.001-05:002012-05-08T14:09:12.933-05:00MenschYou know how sometimes a word pops into your head? Well, this happened to me the other day with the word mensch and I've decided to run with it. I looked it up to check that my meaning was right and it was "a decent, upright, mature, and responsible person." It's Yiddish, so I have no idea where I came across it, but I think it's a great summation of my goal in terms of my attitude and actions.<br />
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Rather than whining at restrictions, I think it's best that I be a responsible adult who can balance the needs of multiple people and timeframes and gets the significance of avoiding as much NICU time as humanly possible at essentially any cost.<br />
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I was discharged Friday and all is going really quite well with home bedrest. Paul and my parents got me set up with a minifridge and a microwave upstairs and stocked with food, cutlery, drinks and more. I've also got a serious number and variety of pillows to arrange different positions. Add that I was planner and last pregnancy had purchased a hospital bedside table and a lap table in preparation (before everything changed), and I'm in great shape. I've got a printer set up here and a friend who works at my office brought me out some things I need, so I'm in shape working as well.<br />
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Having Poppins definitely helps as she and Chiron are here throughout the day. They go for walks and to the park and to the grocery store, but it really results in about two hours being the longest duration I go without Paul or Poppins being here. Add friends who have helped with all kinds of things and life is pretty good! It's also nice because Chiron stops by a couple times a day and plays which really brightens the day and being home allows me to read to Trajan before bed like normal which I couldn't do from the hospital. And I've got pretty cute coworkers here:<br />
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Besides helping with boys, being home allows me to be useful as I can go through the mail and sort things that have been pulled out for goodwill including getting them entered into itsdeductible and lots of little things like that. Feel much less useless.<br />
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On the girls front, all is looking well. I should confess that I was secretly hoping/expecting that when I went to the preterm nurse Monday she would say that she thought the covering OB was in error and I hadn't had any cervical change, but she if anything actually identified more cervical change dubbing me one-plus, 30-50% effaced and soft where I had been completely closed when I had seen her before going into the hospital. Since the covering OB had done a cervical exam at 8 am and then 5:30 pm of the same day, it was probably a silly hope, but oh well.<br />
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The good news is that I still have 4.4 cm of cervix which is enough cervix for two pregnancies and close enough to the 4.9 value in the hospital last Wednesday. That and both girls aced their modified BPP, so we are really in good shape. The perinatologist did think that I needed to stay on as complete a bedrest as possible as I was contracting some while I was there and if just medical trips are enough to make irritable, running around free could equal instability. He also didn't like that preterm labor nurse noticed some pink blood after the cervical exam, but since I haven't seen any after, I'm going to go with that was just due to the exam.<br />
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We got a profile of Righty who is back to being the presenting baby. She is vertex in the center/left (name is based on her placenta) and then Lefty is sprawled transverse up in my ribcage. Note: I am not 8 weeks currently as the ultrasound is labelled. 8, 27, what's the real difference, huh?<br />
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I thought I'd fixed the orientation in iPhoto, but apparently not... oh well!<br />
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The one thing I really miss from the hospital (well, besides some nice and amusing nurses) is the monitoring. Seeing those lines a couple times a day just is nice:<br />
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<b>BUT</b>, these faces are nicer:<br />
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I'm blaming the Chiron bias here on the fact that he's much more cooperative than the others.<br />
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But in tying back to my mensch theme, yesterday one of the techs at the perinatologist said something that startled me, but also made me glad: "you're always in such a good mood and kind. You're our best patient." And this is a woman who has seen me at one of the worst moments in my life. This made me glad. Because really the best we can do is live our lives :-). What will be will be, I'm here to celebrate it and optimize it!<br />
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<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-39016585223982987012012-05-03T08:18:00.002-05:002012-05-03T08:18:54.912-05:0024 hoursIf I can be good for 24 hours, discharge shall be mine, wahahahaha. By good, I mean that I have to stop bleeding and have no new bleeding, contract minimally on the monitor and I guess feel like I'm good and stable? We are theorizing that the bleeding was only due to a cervical ultrasound yesterday and so we went ahead and did a cervical exam today so I can have a calm cervix and get discharged.<br />
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I'm supposed to be good because my OB is leaving town and won't be back until Monday night and we established that I have a history of misbehaving when she is out (read maternity leave for her in version 2010). However, I argued that one event doesn't make a history! And so I can define a new trend.<br />
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I really think I am comfortable with the discharge. I don't feel like I'm in preterm labor. I feel like I have a pissy uterus that likes to express its displeasure with the world when anything doesn't quite go its way. But I think it's bark is likely much worse than it's bite. So maybe it's not a uterus of doom? Maybe it's just a uterus of bitching?<br />
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I'm supposed to be very limited in what I do at home. No lifting the boys in any time or condition. No stairs just for giggles. No housework. The oddest explicitly stated limited that she gave me was "no shopping". I'm taking this as meaning physically shopping, so don't worry dear friend Amazon! I can shower, bathe, go to the bathroom and go to doctor's appointments though and continue working from home similar to how I do in the hospital (and since the house is a mile from the office, this is MUCH easier if I need files or anything to be brought to me). <br />
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I think I forgot to mention here that in celebration of finishing mag I bought a stroller the other day! We have settled on a two-stroller solution to our stroller logistics and I purchased stroller number one. This is a <a href="http://amzn.com/B003O95UIQ">Baby Jogger City Select with the second seat</a>. I was feeling enthusiastic enough that I ordered the <a href="http://amzn.com/B00318CLAK">glider board thing</a> as well. This stroller will take both of the Chicco Keyfit 30s, but I haven't ordered the adaptor bars yet. My theory for ordering this stroller now is multifaceted. One, it allows us to sell the Bugaboo and it's accoutrements on Craigslist while still allowing Poppins and Chiron to get out. Two, the weight limit on this stroller actually still includes Trajan, so he who has never really used a stroller much can get to play with it this summer and get that out of his system some before it gets into real use. Three, the 2012s are out and have been out for a while and the 2011s haven't dropped in price and since there were so few changes to the 2012 model, they probably won't anyway, so it made sense to be the stroller to buy.<br />
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If you're curious, the second part of our stroller logistics solution that we have settled on is a <a href="http://www.valcobaby.com/products/strollers/model/tri-mode-ex-twin.html">Valco Trimode Twin</a> with a <a href="http://amzn.com/B0041F2CFQ">Joey Seat</a> for Chiron. The BJCS will be more for Paul and I (who can sling or Ergo a third if necessary) and in the car while the Valco is mainly for leaving at the house and for Poppins to utilize. The model years on the Valco don't seem to be updated and I want to get more on top of it's product line development and history before I buy one. Also, the colors are giving me pause. I think we'd probably do best with just the Raven, but it doesn't seem to exist, so maybe the Arctic?<br />
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Have we noticed the leaps of faith I've taken? We are employing an entire person, I bought a stroller and we have girl clothing in our garage up to 3T. We also now have three crib mattresses and are moving towards figuring out bunk beds for Trajan so we can turn his full-size bed back into a crib.<br />
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And in other news, my subtle pity party has ended as scheduled this morning and I'm back on board conquering the world and generally being competent and in charge. It was a subtle pity party, but it still feels good to be over.<br />
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And for some random pictures because I think they are fun:<br />
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Chiron on the way to storytime with nanny yesterday in a picture she texted me:<br />
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The awesome alligator that one of my friend's fiance's crocheted and she brought to me. He does amazing work! </div>
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My bed stuck up high by the exuberant Trajan. He really does enjoy the hospital bed.</div>
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And my view, because well, ain't it awesome?</div>
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So, the conclusion is that my uterus and my cervix are both whiners and like to vent their agitation frequently, but they keep doing what they are supposed to do despite being big pansies. Keep it up guys. </div>
<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-20781393977439108172012-05-02T08:45:00.001-05:002012-05-02T08:45:19.929-05:00Am I irrational/insensitive?I think I may be not seeing some other side of the coin, so here's wondering if there's something I'm not seeing and someone can make me see straight. <br /><br />Context: Trajan had tonsils and adenoids out almost a week ago. He's been a complete trooper, but like clockwork, he started complaining yesterday of pain. They'd told us to expect this because of the cauterization. Paul also had vasectomy yesterday afternoon and I'm still living at the Seton Resort and Spa. <br /><br />School has been giving Trajan his ibuprofen doses during the day, but they forgot the four pm yesterday, so he took some around six. He then woke up at midnight calling and asking for his ibuprofen and again at five thirty. He went back to sleep after each dose. <br /><br />Here's the part where I'm guessing that maybe I'm just not seeing things from Paul's view and so need some help. Paul was irritated at Trajan for not wanting to take his antibiotics this morning. Then he went into a rant (to me, NOT where Trajan could hear) about being upset with Trajan for waking him up. My thought is Trajan did exactly what he should do and shouldn't have just laid there hurting. <br /><br />I gave sympathy for it not being fun and being annoying to be woken up and acknowledged that Paul would rather sleep through the night, but in my mind, that's just a part of life. And getting upset about it does no good. And that he'd be MUCH better off to accept the reality he's in and optimize instead of getting mad at the kid. <br /><br />Well, this upset him and he declared that I was saying that he didn't have a right to feel how he felt about things. This isn't really what I meant, I more just meant that feeling or doing something that has no possible positive outcome just doesn't make sense to him. <br /><br />And then I said that I honestly didn't have empathy for him for having to wake up twice in the night to give ibuprofen. That I could agree that it wasn't fun and would be better to not, but that that honestly wasn't even TOUCHING on the list of things I'm currently concerned or worried about. <br /><br />Also, what's sleeping through the night?!? <br /><br />Somebody help me see the other side so I can understand better instead of just muttering things under my breath (at myself) about petulant child. Because I know he is Not. He loves those kids and does what is necessary and it just confuses the hell out of my brain that he seems to embrace the martyr aspects. <br /><br />Help please! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-63745242297334237202012-04-30T20:48:00.001-05:002012-04-30T20:48:33.365-05:00No news newsNo news is the best kind of news, right? Still hanging out at the Seton Spa and Resort, but am now ensconced in stable antepartum care. I saw my OB this morning and the plan is to evaluate Thursday. I was supposed to have my weekly growth/modified BPP scan today, but the perinatologist shifted it to tomorrow. If that is good, plus I look good on a cervical exam which my OB does on Thursday and I can commit that I can adhere to real bedrest at home, then I will be discharged Thursday. If any of these three conditions are not true, then I stay here.<br />
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Right now I'm trying to keep an open mind to either outcome. Being honest, I'd rather be at home. I really think between having Paul and Poppins, I should be able to be a good bedrester (and my mom is here for right now, but she has responsibilities out of town, so trying to plan without relying on her) and this would let me see the boys. And bedrest is much better with dogs than without!<br />
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There are nice features of hospital bedrest as well though. In particular, visitors! I think people are more comfortable dropping by the hospital than a house, so I get to see more folks which definitely helps the mood.<br />
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I luckily am able to work full-time from either the hospital or the house which I think is crucial to my good spirits. The house is a mile from the office while the hospital is 15 minutes or so, so the house would be a little more convenient to the poor soul whose job includes running me files, but she is a very good sport, so I'm sure she's happy to do either way. I am not having Paul bring my hospital printer up here to get setup in advance of Thursday. If they keep me Thursday, then I'll have him set it up.<br />
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It's odd being back in antepartum because I know the nurses and staff so well, but it is a nice familiarity and there is real sanity benefit in getting an NST every day and fetal heart tones every night.<br />
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It should be obvious from these last few paragraphs that I have no clear preference between being kept for the duration and being discharged. I think the real truth is I'm on board with whatever the OB and the perinatologist believe is best for the girls. If I could keep them out of the NICU for one week by being in a bed with my head slanted towards for the floor for a month, that would be more than a fair trade. Seriously, it is so much easier to be the patient than to watch your child as the tiny patient. Any hour we can decrease their stay in the NICU by is honestly an hour that's not just better for them, but for our entire family. So, stay put girls.<br />
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The boys basically come here to eat and read books. And Trajan likes to adjust all the bed buttons. And there's unlimited pudding. What's not to like?Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-62799574921061801752012-04-28T09:14:00.000-05:002012-04-28T09:14:06.843-05:00All is good...I really thought I posted something two days ago, but it turns out that perhaps I'm not the best phone blogger while on mag and I didn't put anything. So, the short version of it is that we are all doing well. Chiron has less fluid draining from his ears, Trajan apparently is the toughest, most resilient fella on the planet and was completely unfazed by the anaesthesia, the surgery, the pain, the hospital or anything. And the girls are both kicking butt and I'm getting the word "stable" applied to me.<br />
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Longer version:<br />
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Bless the commenter who pointed out that I should get a book about getting the tonsils/adenoids out and talk about it with Trajan. I did and the book said to think about your kid and the degree to tell him or her and I made the decision that he was the type who wanted to know everything that we knew included how he was be gassed, the kinds of tools that they would use to cut, that it would hurt, etc. He took one of his stuffed animals with him to the surgery, baby jaguar, and this friend also got to go back with him to surgery (since he needed his tonsils/adenoids out) and I'm told that Trajan did a fantastic job talking baby jaguar through what was going to happen.<br />
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This is his surly, presurgery pictury and I don't actually know the story on what the face is for. He LOVES the hospital socks. That's baby jaguar beside him. They happily went back through the doors to surgery by themselves, so we were two for two this week for our kids happily heading back with nurses they didn't know for surger :-).<br />
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This is his first post-surgery shot. He came up from the anaesthesia like a trooper (unlike little brother who fought the world like a tiger and was completely disoriented). He was in love with these rainbow popsicles. This is immediately after surgery, so he's still pretty high on the meds, but looking great and already explaining that it just feels like he's got a booboo in his throat and that getting your tonsils out is a good thing.<br />
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Pretty much immediately after that my mom (who went with Paul for part of the day, Paul stayed the whole day and night) asked Trajan if he wanted some quiet time. Trajan agreed and even put the nap mask on and was back asleep in less than a minute. When he woke up from this nap, he apparently seemed pretty much completely recovered. So, apparently my apprehension was all for nothing and I should have stuck with the half of me that knows my kid and is frankly time and again amazed by him. Trajan really is a superhero to me. <br />
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Just another example of him explaining things to baby jaguar. The IV is how you let your blood drink, pretty cool, huh, baby jaguar? Kid thought that getting to sleep at the surgery center was an awesome treat/trip reward. And then was discharged the next morning with no events!<br />
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Little brother has so far been to see me both days and I dub him my cutest visitor to date:<br />
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They both came yesterday and I'm going to need to get things set up with books and toys and all again to make this place a fun visiting spot. I'm highly confident I know what to do to make Trajan have a positive experience with my being here, but I'm much less confident with Chiron. Any tips to make a very attachd toddler understand visiting his mom in bed would be appreciated. So far, he's been very happy to just lay in bed with me, snuggle, read, talk and be. But I also think that he has a little stomach bug that may be slowing him down.<br />
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Trajan is still wearing his surgery socks and his arm band and really enjoyed realizing that I had a hospital band too!<br />
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I think my dad probably has some pictures of the boys visiting yesterday when they came with Poppins and my parents, but I was much more focused on enjoying them and the like, so all I've got is that shot that shows he has a band too :-).<br />
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I'll have an update on me and the girls sometime in the next few days, but I think I may wait until Tuesday when it sounds like we are going to have more of a conversation about "the plan". I was just moved from L&D to stable antepartum and am set up there. This gets me a real bed instead of a delivery bed, the right to short showers and the ability to wear clothes instead of a gown. It also shifts the girls to getting monitored once a day with an NST rather than the continuous or hourly monitoring that we've been doing.<br />
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I did have a conversation with a neonatologist the other day and it went pretty well. There actually have been some substantial improvements in just the 16 months since Chiron was born. Still hoping to go much longer, but it's a much rosier picture than the conversation I had at 24 weeks with a neonatologist last time.<br />
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Anything you want to know about the uterus of doom? About the girls? They've been doing great on monitoring, actually achieving 10 by 10 accels pretty often which is fantastic for 25 weekers and are doing everything we could ask of them. <br />
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That's my ramble, what should I update?Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-34465109483299472132012-04-26T04:49:00.001-05:002012-04-26T04:49:37.488-05:00Deja vu, but not<br /><br /><center><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/111610593260200675853/BlogpressPictures#5735644381583785138'><img src='https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lZhCb4Ik6dU/T5kaLSJEPLI/AAAAAAAAFb8/cjmYcwHAp64/s288/3.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br />Some aspects of deja vu, but more not than are. <br /><br />Last afternoon just at the time I was leaving work, I started feeling some cramping. Nothing big, but just enough from keeping me from standing quite all the way up (and for clarity, by late afternoon I mean Monday). Continued on into the evening, but I was originally thinking GI. Went to sleep, but was getting woken up by ten or so with them and so finally talked with the oncall doc that night at one. When she asked what was wrong, my first answer was raving paranoia. We decided she was fine with a plan where I tried to go to sleep and if I could, I'd check in in the morning. Made it to sleep by four, so did so. <br /><br />Called in and "my nurse" (I'm oddly possessive) went ahead and scheduled me with the same OB who I saw last time while "my OB" (see?) was out on maternity. It was nice because of both familiarity and the fact that she's one of my favorite three of the seven (yes, I've had them all more than once now. I would like to take a moment to point out that I saw two others OBs at all throughout the entire pregnancy and delivery with Trajan and they were both post partum). <br /><br />She said I was dilated fingertip whereas notes indicates I was completely closed Monday and that I was 30% effaced and soft. Not a big deal and itself, but enough to earn the monitor in office. Which in turn showed enough contractions to earn some monitoring at the hospital. Urgent enough to not go pick anything up or anything, but calm enough that I could drive myself over the two blocks. <br /><br />She came over at lunch time and said that it did look like I has some irritability going on with contractions every 4-6, but didn't look like a steady pattern of true preterm labor. And she asked if I was good with staying through the afternoon and she'd discharge me at 5:30 or 6. <br /><br />I actually calmed down during the afternoon contraction wise, so was looking good when she came in at 5:30. Then she did a cervical check. I was a full one and she switched language from discharge to steroids, mag and notifying the nicu. <br /><br />To be clear, one centimeter in itself is not a big deal, particularly being multiparrous, I think it was the pattern of change plus the 29-weeker that makes it more of a deal. I will try to confirm that with my OB tomorrow. <br /><br />Good news: mag isn't phasing me at all this time. Last time, on the initial magging at least, I had trouble focusing my eyeballs. No issue this time. <br /><br />Good news 2: I'm confident with the procedures around here and how to say go to the bathroom disconnecting the three monitors, unplugging IV, unclipping blood pressure cuff, etc. <br /><br />Good news 3: having the doc that I had today means no foley catheter. She feels it is more an infection risk than any possible advantage, thus the peeing. <br /><br />Great news: they're both alive. This OB is the one I dub smart but without any much bedside manner and she declared early in the process of starting the mag that we made it further this time. I may have rolled my eyes (yes, 25 beats the hell out of 24, but it's still not what I'd want at all), but I think she missed the greater point, they're both alive. See those two fetal heartbeat lines in the image? Woot!<br /><br />Crappy news: Trajan is still having his tonsils and adenoids out tomorrow. This honestly makes me almost feel sick. I have always been with him for everything medical and this is going to be hard and I can not be there for him. I couldn't take him on our planned special grocery store tonight. I can't help him come out from anaesthesia. I can't discuss vomiting possibilities with the anaesthesiologist pre surgery. I can't help console him through the first few days. I can't work at getting him to drink sufficient quantities. I can't be there. <br /><br />My parents are in town, Paul is off and we have Poppins for the weekdays. I know the boys will be fine and don't need me, but that logical thought doesn't help much. <br /><br />His checkin time is 8:45 this morning, four hours. <br /><br />New bag of mag going on. Should see my OB sometime in the next day. <br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-16648085841572243782012-04-23T15:51:00.001-05:002012-04-23T15:51:33.765-05:00New TerritorySo, I wrote the title for this about a week and a half ago, but haven't updated anything. Not because anything is wrong, but just been too frantic with work getting things done to have any time between work and the boys and life. <br />
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All is good. <br />
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On the girls' front, I actually ended up calling my OB's nurse the next morning and talking to her about the preterm clinic. And totally lost the capacity to speak without crying which is something that happens to me about once every half-dozen years. Luckily, she's a very patient and kind soul and waited me out and helped me get the whole story out. The end result was that she talked with the OB and they declared that I didn't have to go to preterm clinic anymore. However, by that point I'd come to the conclusion that anyone could say something stupid and perhaps I should give her another chance. So I went ahead and went the next Monday morning and it was fine. I figure that it makes more sense to follow the recommended protocol as long as it isn't causing me to stress out unnecessarily. Went again today and I would actually go so far as to say that it was a positive experience with the preterm nurse, so hopefully things will stay that way.<br />
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With my flipout I actually ended up seeing my OB last Thursday where she patiently dealt with me 25 item long list of questions that I'd developed as part of my flipout. This was not the first time I'd done this to her, but the first time she saw it printed out instead of just on my phone or laptop screen. I kind of thought maybe we'd just get through a few of them and save the rest for next time, but she actually did the whole dang list!<br />
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She also talked with the perinatologist and got me set up for weekly ultrasounds with the perinatologist who strikes me as the best. Until 28 weeks, he is just going to assess their amniotic fluid, look at their heartbeat patterns and generally assess their movement. Then, starting at 28 weeks he will do a BPP each week. And at some point NSTs get added in. <br />
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While there is definitely a risk of recurrence in stillbirth due to cord accidents, I'm pretty sure they are doing most of this extra monitoring to keep me sane more than because they think it will make a difference in the girls' outcome. Honestly, I'm ok with that. <br />
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Here's their heads this morning. We are definitely in new territory as we are past the point of the demise in the last pregnancy. ALso, these girls move around a LOT. At 20 weeks, they were stacked both transverse with the right one lower. Then at 24 weeks, they had switched and the left one was presenting and she was vertex along the left side of my uterus with the right one stretched across the top transverse with her head to the right. And then a week later, the right one was back to being presenting and she is breech on the right side of the uterus with the left one transverse across the top of the uterus! It's anybody's guess where they are going to end up!<br />
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We dropped our boys' 0-12 month clothing off with friends yesterday, it was impressive. Still pretty amazed by <a href="http://wileydise.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-clothed-my-boys-for-120-for-four.html">that purchase</a>.</div>
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On the boys' front, it's surgery week. Chiron is getting tubes tomorrow and then Trajan is getting his tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy on Thursday. </div>
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Chiron is still adorable:</div>
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Trajan was an adorable ringbearer:</div>
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Poppins is still going great. I had a great time chaperoning Trajan's field trip a few weeks ago and CHiron went to his first birthday party for one of his friends. </div>
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Life is good, and perhaps now that I've acknowledged I've failed to write about all kinds of things, I'll get back on an updating schedule. I think it was largely trying to get work ready for me to be out for both surgeries that was kicking me backside, but I do still have a lot of work for the next few weeks, so it's entirely possible that I'll fail as an updater. </div>
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Random note: we have now had 19 or 20 ultrasounds this pregnancy and I'm not even remembering to take pictures of all the shots we get, much less upload them. How's that for crazy? </div>
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In conclusion, I'm sticking with the idea I opened with, all is good. </div>Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-19047359284920381172012-04-13T08:23:00.002-05:002012-04-13T08:38:42.115-05:00And I lost it...So, I've held it together very well. Hell, I'm not even sure I'd say I've been holding it together, because it's been pretty easy. I'm rational. I understand things happen. And that doesn't mean it will happen again. So, I've been very fine. I've taken to thinking of these two as going to be here at some point. I've entertained the idea that it will be via the NICU possibly, but really expecting them by 37-40 weeks as a part of our day-to-day life. <br /><br /><br /><br />Then I lost it. <br /><br /><br /><br />I don't know if it's being at the same gestational age or realizing that I'm going to have to go for the longest stretch in the history of this entire pregnancy without an ultrasound or the preterm labor nurse upsetting me, but I've lost it. It was definitely the preterm labor nurse as the trigger, but I don't want to put it all on her. <br /><br /><br /><br />How do I know I lost it? I called my OB's nurse this morning to confirm that something the preterm labor nurse said I didn't need to worry about and I ended up where I could barely (if that) talk because I was crying and just had lost control. I'm sitting here typing with tears running down my face. Thus, I say I've lost it. <br /><br /><br /><br />To backtrack: yesterday I had an appointment with the preterm labor nurse and then an OB appointment. The preterm labor appointment was in the morning and went great in terms of the babies and my status as a pregnant person. Both had good heartbeats. Blood pressure was good. Cervix is long and closed, yeah! OB appointment also went well with both looking good on the quickie ultrasound and she also checked out my cervix and agreed it looked great. Four cervical checks in 88 hours, I declare my cervix to be pageant queen popular. Everything medical and related to this pregnancy at both appointments could not have been improved upon. <br /><br /><br /><br />So, why the crazy? Well, the preterm nurse took me back to last time. I had an appointment with the perinatologist and her scheduled for a Thursday, but after feeling jumangi drums and just so much absurd amounts of motion that it distressed me, they had me come in Wednesday to check them out. They did the 24 week anatomy growth scan (24 weeks would be Friday) and everything looked great. Viable and perfect were words used. Yeah, ain't that almost funny?<br /><br /><br /><br />She brought up this appointment and what I had felt and brought up that this was likely Aurelia doing her best to try to get oxygen. The nurse even said to communicate "hey mom, I'm not getting air." Yup, said that to me. <br /><br /><br /><br />Yeah, that's a kick in the ass. But you know what, there's nothing we could have done differently. There's nothing we could have done to help her. And if I'm being completely honest, the outcome of two 24&0 weekers one of whom has been experiencing oxygen deprivation likely would not have been a better outcome than where we have ended up. But still, having someone say that yes, that meant something was wrong and I was the only one capable of getting the message makes me sick. And now I'm supposed to be watching for fetal thrashing?<br /><br /><br /><br />I meant to ask the OB about it yesterday and we got to the point of saying that the preterm labor nurse had upset me (though I kept it completely together with her oddly), but got distracted and never got into why. Go attention deficit. <br /><br /><br /><br />Also, the OB had convinced me early on this pregnancy that we weren't certain this was a cord accident. And this I think helped with my piece, because<a href="http://wileydise.blogspot.com/2011/11/thoughts-on-cord-compressions.html"> cord accidents</a> are one of the causes of stillbirth that has recurrence where many stillbirth causes are flukes. So, now I'm back to that worry about the recurrence rate. <br /><br /><br /><br />Oddly, I just realized that I never changed the little summary box of "our world" that's in the border of the blog page to not say cord accident when the OB convinced me that the neonatal nurse practitioner told me it as a certain cause to make me feel better, but they couldn't be certain. I will say that cord compressions definitely fit well with the symptoms and the experience of her motion.<br /><br /><br /><br />And I'm feeling much better post this rant/ramble and a conversation with my OB's nurse, who is an amazingly patient and kind soul, this morning. <br /><br /><br /><br />I have the 24 week anatomy/growth scan with these two on Monday and then I will see the preterm lady again. And then I enter my new distress as the OB set my next appointment for four weeks and the perinatologist will set my next appointment for four weeks, so I will have to go almost four weeks without seeing them on an ultrasound when I haven't gone even two weeks so far this pregnancy. The preterm labor clinic will do the Doppler, but even she has said that she's not 100% certain she's identifying them separately. It may seem odd, but the idea of possibly not knowing one is dead for weeks is almost more upsetting than the idea of one being dead. So, I anticipate some basketcaseness for the next four weeks. <br /><br /><br /><br />I'm not ok, but I'll make it.<br /><br />Afterthought: I am very lucky that I'm signed up to work pizza Friday at Trajan's school today. Two hours of serving up pizza and fruit and talking and playing with three lunches of kids and the world is always a better place. I'm still convinced I'm pretty blessed and lucky, even if I'm a bit crazy today. <br />Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1941457488670836380.post-71939415148366273462012-04-12T11:55:00.002-05:002012-04-12T11:55:26.662-05:00What autocorrect says about meSome mistypings and the word it chooses seem revealing:<br />
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Trying to type on --> OB<br />
Trying to type you --> uti<br />
Trying to type of --> OG<br />
Trying to type one --> OB's<br />
Trying to type next --> NEC<br />
Trying to type we --> ER<br />
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Just my little amusement today.Wileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17276125021264602754noreply@blogger.com2