Admit Defeat

So, I started getting information and pictures together to document Chiron's life to date a few weeks ago, but I am now going to admit defeat.  Well, at least admit defeat until X is in daycare (hopefully starting May 2) and thus I am able to work at work full-time.  Right now Paul is going into his office two days a week and I am going into mine three.  Seems like it would be enough, but it's not.  Even with working remotely, I am absolutely drowning.  I anticipate that I will have to come back tonight as soon as Trajan gets to bed and am hoping to make it home before he wakes up.  And then I'm considering risking bringing Chiron into the office tomorrow, that's how much I'm drowning.

So, I'm not writing the life summaries.  I'm not writing a post about how Trajan seems to require absurd amounts of sleep that make it difficult to get to play and interact with him enough given that we work full-time.  I'm not going to write about how I still haven't gotten used to the fact that most people have forgotten that Aurelia ever existed and so they will say stupid things.  I'm not going to write about how meal planning is made more complicated by a spouse following the four-hour body (though it seems to be working great for him, so I'm definitely not complaining).

I am going to order Jimmy John's despite being tired of it because they will deliver it and thus it will take the least time.  I am going to suck down water like even more of a freak than normal to keep myself moving and energetic. I am going to do my best to pull off the impossible.  I am going to send emails to people on a few of these projects to see if there is any wiggle room.  I am going to give up and admit that I will just use the previous presentors powerpoint for a training I'm teaching in a few weeks because I will not get mine (which is only a third done) completed by the due date of tomorrow.

I am going to fly like a superhero.  Whoosh!

Random Short Thoughts II

• Progress from last Random Short Thoughts as the Bristol Zoo lions now only produce smiles from me.

• Sometimes I wonder why we bother to feed this kid.  Obviously, not really, but I do get frustrated with the reflux.  Paul has a better attitude: "net is a percentage of gross"

• I may never get these events/picture posts up recapping his life.  I really did start them as requested, but progress isn't too fast.  Maybe when we all get back at work full-time I'll get more productive.

• I have now thought I was depressed-like twice since Chiron was born.  Both turned out to be blocked ducts/mastitis/breast infection type things.  So, if I claim to be depressed again, someone tell me to do a breast exam.

• It's odd to have a living, breather example of exactly how old a stillborn child would be at any moment.

• I really am going to write my pumping summary guide.  Really, before a good friend who asked about it goes into labor.

• I find it very amusing when I read Wordless Wednesday posts that are chockfull of words

• I think this is a great article.  We aren't there yet, but it's nice to know people think about it.  And it happens to be written by my fabulous OB.

• And I love this picture.  There are some that are more traditionally "sweet", but this just makes me happy

• I am really having fun being able to experience both boys together "on my own".  This is probably a normal thing for most parents, but between Chiron being in the NICU and not being able to go most places, I'm just starting to have opportunities where I can do things with the two of them.  And I like it.

PTSD

Was reviewing the symptoms of PTSD in an article a friend sent me and while I don't quite meet the diagnostic criteria relating to the 2010 pregnancy as I've taken to calling it, I do find I completely meet the criteria when considering my experience with braces. Seriously, nightmares and all.

In all seriousness, I had a blah day today. I got through their due date without even really a moment of pause (3/4), but from the time I labelled some milk for the donor milk bank this morning with 4/4, I've been in a funk.

Intellectually, I completely get the optimize the reality in which you live, but I do have these occasion moments of regret (is that the right word?) for a lost reality even though it never actually was.

A funk might not even be the right word, I was a bit sensitive to the world.

That's all.



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