Monday, September 26, 2011

Vagaries of Obstetrics

Three events have happened in the last couple weeks that have driven home to me that pregnancy, gestation and babies should never be taken for granted.  You can not approach pregnancy with an attitude of complacency as there are no guarantees.  There is no safe moment, whether six weeks or 38, you are always vulnerable to the vagaries of obstetrics.  And no degree of goodness or wanting it or truly being qualified to have a child can save you, you remain vulnerable.

The flipside of this is it really drives home that nothing I did was the cause of our loss.  That it in no way was because I wasn't good enough, or I made a worried comment about handling two or that the cosmos judged us and found us wanting.  Sadly, it doesn't work that way. 

And sometimes it sucks.  And my heart is hurting again for the losses of friends and the welcoming of more people to this secret club of people who have lost a child that you never knew existed until you qualify.  Good news for them though is there is this club.  And you will find people.  And not just among those near you, there may be a chance encounter at an airport or a car dealership or almost anywhere that will help.

Seize the day may sound trite, but it's true.  You can not know the future, so grab each moment by the hands and experience it.  I'd take sorrow over regrets any day, so I choose active engagement over passivity.

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