Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Thank God for Black Underwear

My job is largely technical, but as consultants, we also have to present information to clients.  For the first time, I presented one of our largest projects by myself to the board of directors of the client today.  I've done solo presentations before, but they have always been educational or training.  I've also presented projects before, but with at least one other consultant.

I finished my review of the two work projects I was presenting yesterday afternoon along with my preparation of the information I was going to convey and review of potential questions that might come up.  I needed to review one more time before presenting, but since their meeting is held an hour and forty minutes away without traffic, I decided to get ready and head out early and do my final preparation once I'd arrived in the area.  That way if there was a traffic issue greater than anticipated, I'd still be good.

All went well.  I got up, showered and even covered up the face rot a bit (yes, against rules, but have to be pragmatic).  I even found a shell that fit well that wasn't a maternity top so that it didn't look so crazy flowy, billowy under the suit.  Took the time to tighten the elastic things on the suit pants to hopefully prevent the constant pant hike.  Got the boys school bags ready and even saw them to the point of all being dressed and downstairs before I left. Remembered the materials I needed for myself to present as well as copies of the work products to pass out.  Heck, even remembered to reset a trip odometer so I could log my time.

Traffic went pretty well.  Made it to just outside of town and stopped and ate breakfast and worked through my materials.  Made sure I had all the names memorized and got a few key transition parts of presentation in my mind.  It was still a bit early, but decided I would head the rest of the way in as this board always has people there early and would allow for some time to chat with board members.

Got to the building, parked, went to the 25th floor, got my parking validated, made a bathroom run and then proceeded in to the conference room.  All was perfect.

Greeted people and successfully remembered those I had met and those I hadn't.  Got materials passed out among the members and my one notes out and ready.  Got a glass of water and sat down ready to go.  Some meeting preliminaries went on and general conversation.  Then the meeting started.

I then had the sensation that my fly was down.  Maternity pants often have a shorter zipper and this can happen, so I subtly reached my hand down to pull it up.  I did find a gap, but I couldn't find the zipper.  Odd, but ok.  I looked down and was startled to discover that no, my fly was not down, the seam below the zipper was split open!

1.  I do exist under a blessed star. I'm damn glad and slightly amazed that I was not only wearing black underwear, but with a sheen that made it blend with the pants pretty well
2. I take this as an auspicious sign as I have never had a seam fail in my life
3. It was not like that when I went to the bathroom before heading into the conference room, I'm certain of that.
4. How did I not notice this when it happened?  Or if it happened when I noticed it, how did a seam rip while I was sitting still in a chair?

The presentation itself went great.  I actually wasn't fazed at all by the pants and actually didn't even think about the ventilation hole in my pants.  Somehow my brain just processed it as interesting information and moved on.  Other than the one initial check to confirm that my underwear was covering the entire gap when I discovered it, I really didn't even think about it, even when I stood up to leave and walk out. 

When I got back into town, I headed straight to a tailor that I had heard good things about near my house and office.  They had me pop my pants off:
and after less than two minutes to admire the exciting socks I'd put on this morning, they had my pants back to me.  Not only did they look like nothing had ever happened, but they wouldn't let me pay them a thing.  And let's just say, they could have charged me anything up to and including the price of a new pair of maternity suit pants and I would have paid it!  Oscar's Tailors are officially my heroes.

One friend asked why I didn't just close my jacket to cover it up.  This was mainly when brainstorming on what alternatives I could have taken if I hadn't been so blessed in my underwear selection and so had to try to manage it rather than ignore it.  Unfortunately, this seam was below the zipper and so the jacket wouldnt' have made it:

And again, thank you god, universe and any other cosmic powers for the underwear coordination.  Important life lesson here I'm sure, but I haven't quite put my finger on it.

As long as I was taking pictures, I grabbed a side shot for inquiring minds.  Definitely a bit of growth, but nothing dramatic yet.  I think it's much clearer with shirt up, so perhaps I'll remember to grab a shot in yoga pants and sports bra. And yes, my hair really does get limp and done that fast in the day, this is just six or seven hours after it had a little body.  I should probably cut shorter again.

I should do all of our presentations, don't ya think?


  1. Further confirmation of your genius - even subconsciously or psychic-ly

  2. I think I would have been so distracted I would have screwed up or rushed through the presentation.

    1. That's honestly what surprised me the most, the fact that I really didn't even notice or think about it until after I left when it became my main thought.

  3. This is why I get so mad at maternity clothes. They are so expensive and then they do stuff like this. I decided next time around I am boycotting maternity clothes. I'm not sure how I will make it work, but that is my plan.

    1. And these weren't cheap or overworn pants. They actually are tailored dress pants that are part of a suit. I think they are Pea in the Pod and I've generally been happy with them (except for price), so I will cut them a break.

  4. Sorry for laughing...I'm glad you had on black underwear!

    Cute bump you got going on! I am excited to get mine.

    My hair is the exact same way. I have also been thinking of going shorter so it doesn't look so drab by the end of the day. My hair is thin and straight and looks greasy most of the time!

    1. Laughing is 100% the appropriate response!

  5. I have been laughing about this since I read your post yesterday. I just love the pictorial play-by-play...classic. ;)

  6. I was very nervous during this story...waiting for the punch line! Glad to see you handled it well and it all worked out for the best. I once left a "spot" on an office chair about a month or so after Giggles was born...if you know what I mean. Luckily my pants were black too, and I was able to sneak in to the office later and swap the chair with one from the side of the office that was being closed off and subleased! The receptionist (3 kids) helped me get the chair thru the security doors and is good at keeping secrets!

    1. LOVE good partners in crime. They are a true blessing in this world!