I'm unsure, but I think I may have a case of the blahs.
I managed to wear the same thing to work that I did yesterday. In my defense, it's because I was lazy and just got dressed from the dryer and Chiron had thrown up on me, but the scary part is I'm not the one that figured it out, a friend did.
I feel disconnected from my eyeballs, if that makes any sense.
I don't really want to do any of my work, despite normally loving my work as almost a game.
I feel fine and not too tired or anything, just a bit removed.
I don't know what the point of this is other than thinking that if I can document it, then I'm really acknowledging it and taking steps towards addressing it. I don't want to be a spectator on my own existence. I don't want to be merely adequate.
Step one was successfully got myself up and out to walk the dogs last night. We didn't run any and I think I only got myself to go because I realized we could walk to the snowcone stand a mile and a half down the road, but I did it. I'm also back into Pilates again and I think that is likely to help shake me off. I'd like to play soccer as the amount of running and interaction and the like in games always makes me feel at the top of my game, but between the time commitments and Paul's worries about my ankles, that's just not going to happen.
I've never had any sort of medical depression. I don't think I'm there now, but I also acknowledge that if I was, I might not know it. So I think for now my course of action is to document that I'm definitely feeling a little off now. If I'm still feeling off in another month, I think making an appointment with the grief counselor we saw after Aurelia's death/while Chiron was in the NICU would be a good first step to neither overreact or ignore something that might be going on. Sound reasonable?
And in the interim, maintaining a conscious effort to exercise sounds like a good idea. Anything else?