Friday, October 7, 2011

Case of the blahs?

I'm unsure, but I think I may have a case of the blahs. 

I managed to wear the same thing to work that I did yesterday.  In my defense, it's because I was lazy and just got dressed from the dryer and Chiron had thrown up on me, but the scary part is I'm not the one that figured it out, a friend did.

I feel disconnected from my eyeballs, if that makes any sense.

I don't really want to do any of my work, despite normally loving my work as almost a game. 

I feel fine and not too tired or anything, just a bit removed. 

I don't know what the point of this is other than thinking that if I can document it, then I'm really acknowledging it and taking steps towards addressing it.  I don't want to be a spectator on my own existence.  I don't want to be merely adequate. 

Step one was successfully got myself up and out to walk the dogs last night.  We didn't run any and I think I only got myself to go because I realized we could walk to the snowcone stand a mile and a half down the road, but I did it.  I'm also back into Pilates again and I think that is likely to help shake me off.  I'd like to play soccer as the amount of running and interaction and the like in games always makes me feel at the top of my game, but between the time commitments and Paul's worries about my ankles, that's just not going to happen.

I've never had any sort of medical depression.  I don't think I'm there now, but I also acknowledge that if I was, I might not know it.  So I think for now my course of action is to document that I'm definitely feeling a little off now.  If I'm still feeling off in another month, I think making an appointment with the grief counselor we saw after Aurelia's death/while Chiron was in the NICU would be a good first step to neither overreact or ignore something that might be going on.  Sound reasonable?

And in the interim, maintaining a conscious effort to exercise sounds like a good idea.  Anything else?


  1. I wouldn't be surprised if your hormones are still adjusting especially since your recent decrease in producing milk.

    Recognizing dark days is a step in the direction to recovery. And documenting that is a good way to reflect on where you've been and where you are.

    It sounds like you already know what 'fills you up'. Focus on those things and you'll be back to yourself in no time.

  2. 1. I'm sorry you've got a case of the blahs. I love you!
    2. Searching for Serenity is right. You just weaned. Hormone attack!
    3. Note any negative thoughts or internal dialogues you may be having and scientifically dispute them.
    4. Engage in mindfulness. Focus on the moment. Being fully present in your reality at any given time is a great way to feel peace.

  3. Not a clue, but if it's in consolation, I've been feeling the same way!

    Oh, right, as you know since you left such a lovely comment for me when I was talking about it. Thanks for that, by the way.

    I think giving yourself a month or so to see if exercise pulls you up out of your funk. It always helps me feel better.

  4. I'm glad that you are aware of the feelings that you are having and know that there is help.

    I'm sorry ! You are not alone.

  5. Sorry to hear that you are suffering from the blahs.

    The sensation of being disconnected from your eyeballs makes perfect sense to me. I think I feel like that myself at times.

    Perhaps the hormones are a contributory factor with stopping pumping as previous commenters have suggested? Definitely exercising sounds like a good plan xo