Tuesday, June 7, 2011


I've spent a fair bit of time in the last few weeks/months trying to think of what is the appropriate amount to think about/write about Aurelia.  Too much and I worry that I'm harping and not moving on, too little and it's like I'm trying to make her never have existed.  I've finally come to a big old revelation:

There is no right balance.

She is going to play into my thoughts.  She is going to likely take more of a written presence because she does not exist as a concrete presence.  Writing about her less will not mean that I'm wanting to just make Chiron into a singleton and be done with it.  Writing about her more will not mean that I am not healthy or not present in my relationships with others.  Accepting her and her death as a part of reality and dealing with it as it is is my best course of action.

1 comment:

  1. I've often wondered about this one too. My blog could well be about 'my miracle preemie baby.' But it isn't. It's mainly about her twin sister who did not survive.
    I didn't set out to write it that way, that's just how it evolved and it did trouble me a little initially, that perhaps I was dwelling on her death too much or that it somehow made me ungrateful for the baby that I did have. But I think you've nailed the reason why in this post, because she has no concrete presence and a written one is the best I can offer her.
    I hope you can find the right balance for you, Aurelia and Chiron.
    Thank you for your comment on my last post, I can certainly identify with your thoughts around the issue of possibly having another child. Still trying to figure it all out myself even now he is here.